A New Beginning

Well, it's been quite a long time since I last made an entry into my blog. Life has been busy and there are indeed so much work to be done. BUt, I do not think I can continue with my work without expressing my heart-felt gratititude to my students. You see, yesterday, was graduation day.

It was with mixed feelings that I sent them off. These two years was tough for me. In my teaching career, I have never find it so difficult. My personal life was a mess and it affected me in a lot of ways. But God still sees me through it all. As I read some of the notes that my students gave me, I cannot help but tears welled up in my eyes. Yes, it was a journey, one that is filled with sadness and sweetness. It was with pride that I saw each and every one of them grow. My journey was made a lot easier by them. Perhaps, God placed them in my life at this juncture to encourage me as much as I want to encourage them.

It was particularly heart warming when I read one of the notes given by my student. He said he was glad that I am laughing again. Indeed. My usual cheerful self is slowly coming back. I can feel it too. Maybe, it is due to the fact that I can start looking forward to the day when I can close this chapter of my life. My wife has finally set the date for a divorce. If God does not turn her heart back by Jan 2008, it would be over for us. In my heart, I know it is over unless God chooses to change her heart.

This will always be a bad chapter in my life but it is also one of the best. In it, I see the hand of God with me, leading and guiding me. Just like a kind shepherd who leads his sheep through the valley of the shadow of death. These students, my friends and many others have help me much through this journey. I learnt a lot in this chapter. Forgiveness and the ability to see beyond my circumstances are my two most important lessons:

Will you forgive your loved one who betrayed you? I used to think it is definitely easy to do so. However, when I personally learnt that my wife has been cohabiting with another man, I am faced with this challenge of forgiving her. It was not easy, trust me. But I did. Forgiveness comes when you look beyond the person and the act to the source of that agony - Love. It pains us when our loved ones hurt us. It was not an easy lesson to learn.

The ability to see beyond the circumstances and that God is in it through it all, is something that my students have given me these two years. In the same way, I hope I have encouraged them as well to look beyond the present. YOu may be feeling tired and anxious about the O Levels but remember... it is just an exam and it will come to past no matter what.

Do your best! Look at those things that will motivate you. Friendship and Love are some of the precious things that we can hold on to in such times. Encourage others and you find yourself comforted. By looking at others and not focused on ourselves, we see the Grace of God in all these things.

So, take care my students. Thanks for being there. I love teaching you all and all of you once again, help me to affirm why I join teaching in the first place. Thank you. All the best in your studies!

Happy Birthday...

Yes... today is my birthday... It was with mixed feelings that I begin my 32nd year on this planet. When I look at the year past, I just can't help but feel sad. I could still remember vividly where my wife and I went for dinner on my birthday last year. I could still remember what she bought for me and when and where she went to buy. Things are so different now. It's never the gift or the cake that I remember... but the people who spent my birthdays with me.

The Lord giveth and taketh away... even though I am alone this year... He is ever so faithful and gracious to provide many people who really make my day. There are bros and sisters-in-Christ who celebrated for me on Tuesday... there are friends who sent it their messages from all over the world... there are my students who are always there to give me the encouragement that I needed... there are my current students who never fails to bring a smile on my face... there are my colleagues who celebrated for me as well, my parents, my sister... best friends... Looking at the long long list, I cannot help but give thanks to Him.

For all those whom I mentioned (you know who u are), I am really touched by your kind words and actions... your care and concern... your love and friendship... Though I am sad yet I am comforted... that feeling is just so strange. Perhaps like the photo of the yellow flower, taken after the rain... Does it look sad or do you see hope in it? I see a bit of both... perhaps I would like to focus on the hope. There is always a rainbow after the storm... and I'm looking forward to that rainbow.

It was during this very difficult time that I realised that the greatest satisfaction comes from giving. It's about giving whatever you have to offer to your loved ones, your friends, those whom are important to you and even strangers. Through giving encouragement to others, I find myself encouraged. I believe that God is using this period to train me and to mould me. Just like what one of the sisters once said to me... now it is also my favourite poem...

When God wants to drill a man,
And thrill a man,
And skill a man
To play the noblest part;
When He yearns with all His heart
To create so great and bold a man
That all the world shall be amazed,
Watch His methods, watch His ways!
How He ruthlessly perfects
Whom He royally elects!
How He hammers him and hurts him,
And with mighty blows converts him
Into trial shapes of clay which
Only God understands;
While his tortured heart is crying
And he lifts beseeching hands!
How He bends but never breaks
When his good He undertakes;
How He uses whom He chooses,
And with every purpose fuses him:
By every act induces him
To try his splendor out--
God knows what He's about.

It is with this hope that I begin my 32nd year and it is my sincere prayer that God will continue to guide my footsteps in time to come.

A Happy New Year?

Six days into the new year... lots of thoughts these few days. Was so busy with work and I was wondering whether I should work on my thesis tonight... After my dinner, I finally decided to give myself a break. So, here am I... at harbourfront starbucks... working on my blog.

I chose this picture (taken on 2nd Jan during a short hike to the treetop walk at Mac Ritchie Reservoir) because I was reminded of the butterfly story in one of the comments to my previous post. The butterfly story really gave me some encouragement. I heard it a few times but I supposed you will only appreciate it when you are going through some trials in life. At this point in my life, the only thing I can rely on is God.

"There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it." - 1 Cor 10:13

His grace is sufficient for me to go through this very difficult time of my life. It is not easy for me but again, God never promise that it will be easy. He only promise that He will provide a way. Perhaps I am able to go through it with Him and that's why He allowed this to happen to me. And the reason I can think of is that He has some important lessons for me to learn.

Anyway, this is perhaps the new year where I comtemplated a lot on what happened in the past year. Looking back, I cannot but be thankful to God for all that He hath provided... family, bros and sis-in -Christ, friends, colleagues and students. All of you in one way or another, cheer me up when I am down. As I go onto my 32nd year of my life (opps! that 's my age revealed) soon, I cannot help but wonder about my future. My future is so uncertain... but I am sure, God has already prepare the way for me.

Looking forward to the year, I realise I must do my best to recover from this major setback. It may take me some time (maybe a few years) but I am sure I can do it, especially with His Help. So, after a break of so many years without a new year resolution, I have decided to make three this year. First, is to walk closely with God. He is the ONLY one who can see me through and He will provide. Second, I want to improve my photography skills. Will be taking a lot of pictures this year... so students, get ready... Last but not least, I must exercise. Promised Pastor Ter that I will complete the Penang Hill when I return to Penang end of this year.

To my students, I wonder whether any one of you make new year resolutions? Somehow, I got this feeling within me that I will be able to do it this time. Resolutions are good. They serve as a target for the year and somehow sets a purpose for us. What do you want to achieve this year? good results? memorable class?

Whatever it is, I just pray that all my students will enjoy their final year in RV. take time to build up friendships with your friends and do not forget to maintain your ties with us, teachers. Take time to enjoy the surroundings that we often take for granted... Take time to enjoy the process of learning... Take time to smile... to cry... to celebrate... and to enjoy sometimes... solitude. I came to realise that when I sit down to think about all these things, I am very much comforted once more. Like what some of my friends said... take time to count the blessings we have and we will see how small our problems really are! So, my students, do not be afraid of the coming O levels... just do your best and the rest is really up to God.

As we go into the new year, let us all be ready to face the different challenges that each one of us has. when we realise that we are never walking alone... we will be able to make it because we know we can find strength and comfort from those around. Just like the pupa which struggled to become the butterfly, I am sure we can all fly high. really felt better after babbling my thoughts through this blog... time to sleep... good night...